What's Under the Bandanna?

Best episode ever

This week’s ROLII was the best ever by far. Heather came back and got information from the girls by getting them wasted. Why did I not pick her last time? Oh yeah, I wanted there to be a ROLII and more exposure for me.

It’s also cute how the girls seem to think they’re friends with each other even though they’ll eventually want each one of their friends gone so they can win the prize: Me, Bret Michaels.  

See ya next week in Vegas baby! LOL 

Who's gonna get Bret's vote

You’re probably thinking I’m talking about voting a girl off of my show, but this little post is about who I’m gonna vote for, Hillary or Barack.

Barack is a skinny dude who doesn’t look like he’s into rock, despite almost having the word “rock” in his name. He doesn’t look like he’s into offroading, or riding with chicks on motorcycles, so I can’t picture myself hanging with him.

Hillary looks like the complete opposite of the chicks I hang out with. The chicks I hang out with are not bright and I would not want them running the country. Therefore, I would want Hillary running the country. That’s why I’m voting or Hillary.  

The girls embarassed my patriotism this week

I am VERY patriotic, OK? I should have realized when I had the girls perform for the veterans that they’d all end up essentially stripping, because that’s their nature. As you may know, I once dated a stripper, and it ended badly. I guess that’s why they say every rose has it’s thorn. I had to send home my Ukranian Love Tank, Inna, because, essentially, no matter how crazy Kristy Jo is, Inna was fat. “Love Tank” was a kind way of putting it.

Getting rid of the old broads was hot

OK I’m still not caught up to the current show, but I’ve been busy designing my personal line of bandannas that I’ll be selling on my website. Two episodes ago, I had to eliminate two girls at once. Normally the phrase “two girls at once” gets me REALLY hot, but not this time. It only got me semi-hot. What else could I do but eliminate the two senior citizens? I mean, they had to be pushing forty: Not hot. It was annoying when Catherine brought me breakfast in bed, because she was old. I wanted to pull my cozy sleepytime bandanna down and go back to my dream about the perfect woman with breasts like beach balls. But I still laid an egg-flavored kiss on her. I wonder if those two hooked up when they got outside after elimination. 

Stuff that was kinda hot two shows ago

I need to catch us up a little since we’re like halfway into the season. Obviously I can’t remember now what happened at the beginning. But two shows ago, the girls all played mud football. I gotta be honest, girls hurting themselves while competing to win me is a real turn-on. Then I took Daisy on a solo date to a lingerie store. Do I know how to show a girl a good time, or what? She looked so amazing in that one-inch skirt and I know she felt amazing eating dinner with me, Bret Michaels, in a lingerie store. I’m tellin’ ya, sleazy chicks love this stuff. I’m thinking a good follow-up date will be to take her to the Sunset Strip and we can role-play that she’s a strung-out hooker. Now that. Would be hot.  

But then, come elimination time, I just could not decide who to send home. But Daisy thought she was going to be eliminated and her whole world was visibly crumbling into dust before my eyes. That, combined with her big tits, big lips, and tiny baby valley girl voice, was HOT! 

Oh yeah! LOL.